Once upon a time...

To Be Continued??

2008-07-01T17:36:00.001+05:30

Calcutta. Cal, we called it in short.The journey by the local train to Calcutta was out of the world experience. Years later, when I used to travel by the local trains of Mumbai, on particular days when nostalgia changed roles and became an enemy, I could not help but compare. The two to three hour ride to Calcutta was marked by a complete sense of being at ease as opposed to the frenzy in Mumbai. Years later, he enlightens me over a glass of wine-It is not that local trains of Calcutta lacked the hustle- bustle and the madness of Mumbai. It was just that we were so much at peace with ourselves that we didn’t mind.You can reserve a seat for yourself on the train by putting a handkerchief or newspaper on it.But mind you,only hankies and newspapers.Nothing else is treated with the same grudging respect that is yielded to them.Once we stupidly tried to throw in a cap

The ride in the local train was sometimes more fun than the being in the city. Especially, when we manage to find one of those innumerable Kishore Kumars the city hosts. Give him a twenty rupee note and sit back. And don’t forget to stop every vendor on the way. God, I love those carefree days where you don’t think twice before putting any kind of trash in your mouth.The Bengali uncle sitting next to me kind of judges me for wearing jeans but soon as I tell where I hail from he is all smiles and enquires as to from when his daughter should start preparing to grow up and be like me. Grow up and be like me? Really?

You get down at the station and overwhelmed at once by both the crowd and the smell of stinking fish. I can never forget the first time I saw the Howrah Bridge. An endless line of people walking on .I was mistaken to think that there was a rally going on. I was so busy taking in the sights that I didn’t notice that I was now alone, separated from the group. Before I could start panicking, a fat grubby hand grabs me.
"You are an idiot."
‘You are a fatso.’
"Come on, hold my hand."
‘No.’
" I will hold yours.For my sake .Ok?"

I decide that I like Bongs.I know what you are thinking.I like those too.But here Bong is just a cooler word for Bengali.Bengalis are awesome .All day long they will keep on shouting "Cholbe na..Cholbe na ..." but I have never seen a more Sab-Chalta-Hai attitude anywhere else. Cab drivers will accommodate 8-9 people in a taxi which is supposed to seat only 5 people.All traffic is halted to make way for a tram which is totally empty.Total madness.

To Be Continued...

2008-06-13T11:45:00.002+05:30

Once upon a time, there was a girl, who wanted all the love in the world. Only to realize that too much love could kill.

I found it on the road. The perfect friendship. After that day, I knew how to gauge a friendship. A long walk round the park. If you are left wanting for more, after finishing a couple of rounds at a leisurely pace, there is hope for an ‘us’ somewhere down the lane.

I had always thought of myself as someone who could befriend anyone. I was friends with the elite and I was friends with the outcasts.But I made sure befriending me was no easy ride.People have to bear with the tears and the laughter.With the compassion and the smirks.With the love and the hatred.

I saw him in the Physics class drinking Pepsi. I had just finished a packet of chips and felt thirsty. God-sent incentive to start a conversation. I ran down a few rows of desks, when the professor has his back to us and occupied the empty place beside him. I see that he was reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."Sirius Black is a good guy," I blurt out not able to contain my excitement. He then looks at me, with a half-amused-half-irritated look and I see his face properly for the first time. His had all the features I didn’t like in guy. Curly, unruly hair.Tiny, small eyes. Parched, dry lips. One thing I liked though. He was round like a teddy bear.

"Give some of the Pepsi or I will tell you the twist,"I blackmail him." You have already done that," he retorts." There are more," I lie. That’s the thing with me. I start every relationship with a lie. Makes me feel like I have the upper hand, the fool that I am.

"You both in the sixth row get out of the class now," yells the professor, which somehow we manage not to hear, being the ultimate optimists. "You, the one drinking the Pepsi and the fat boy, GET OUT."Can’t ignore this now. I was the first to get up, having done this many a times. He followed without any protest. We walk out of the class and I wait for the cribbing and blaming. "You drink coffee?" he asks. "Only if you smoke," comes pat the reply. I get the first of those awesome smiles and I notice the tobacco stained teeth for the first time. Another thing I don’t like in a guy. We get two coffees and sit under a tree.I thought whether I should ask for his name and then left it at that,coz I had already christened him Squeezy. "Let’s go for a walk. The weather’s amazing," I say. "I don’t like walking,"he says. O shit!!

I took me 1 month, 4 threats, 3 cajolements and a very long pleading to get him to go on a walk. At the end of the walk, I had a convert, coz at the end of the first round; he went on talking about something called "the feel of Calcutta". And he set the record that day of 5 and half rounds. And I felt happy that this walk has put a seal on the idea of "us". I also felt powerful for I assumed that I was changing the course of his life, in however small a way, by introducing him to the pleasure of long walks, especially with me. That’s another thing with me. Calvin might live in denial but I…I live in delusion. I not only deny the real thing but also make up my own stuff .Happy and deluded as I was in assuming that I was changing the course of his life, foolish I was in not noticing that he was equally changing the course of my life.

In Search Of The Perfect Cosmopolitan

2008-02-25T18:01:00.001+05:30

Little Betty(ok,not so little, but her guy liked to call her that. Which is why, he’s history. GUYS OUT THERE-Don’t call your girls little or Sugar, for that matter ,with Sug for short) was bored. These guys were all so predictable. They all acted friendly at first but asked her out the first chance they got and ended up calling her Sweet Angel or My Tiger or Little Bear. One guy even christened her Kitty-Kitty.” Why repeat a word twice ?" she asked him.She disowned him the moment he gave her a lengthy explanation about numerology and something called the K-factor.This is all wrong,she thought.And this calls for a complete change of technique.'This time around,I get to play to play the field,find THE guy and go after him,'she decided.Now,what kind of a guy did she like?She has dated the I-will-beat-any-guy-who-dares-look-at-you guy and I-am-not-too-sure-I-am-all-that-straight guy.Why,she even dated the I-will-hit-on-your-sister-too guy.

'I am done dating these losers.Its not going to be any guy.Its gonna be a MAN.A sophisticated man.The perfect Cosmopolitan,'she decided.Betty's sister Mindy tried to take advantage of this situation and bring some perspective in her sister's life.'These Cosmopolitans,they go by an alias these days.You type in THE PERFECT GUY in any search engine and press the I-am-feeling-lucky button .It spews back one word-INVESTMENT BANKER'.Ok,so the Class of the guy was zeroed in on.Now,an object of this class has to be instantiated.'Where do I get to meet these banker fellows?"."No,not bankers.Remember it entirely -Investment Banker,"shouted her sister,afraid she would end up with a retail banker or something."Ok,just hang out in the greasy-hamburger-joint on that street with the Blackstone and the Lehman Bros offices and whoever looks like he has won a lottery on the day the fed cuts rates is a potential target."

So,on one friday Betty is all set to go out with this big shot Investment Banker,Maximilian Something.The name does n't matter,Mindy assured her.One long Limo ride later,they arrived at the HILTON.All the guys she had dated till now had always taken her to fast food joints.Betty reminded herself to kiss Mindy,when she got back home.She was about to order beer when her date arrived carrying her drink. ' You should have this.Its a Cosmopolitan .And its perfect.'Four of those,and our girl was all hooched up.The Limo Ride and the affluent ambience did add to the inebriation.Suddenly,she found her brain cells going dead and some other stuff growing in there.'You are my Peachy Pie,'she called out to Maximilian.

Next day,she went back to the Kitty-Kitty guy.Better to be with a guy who calls you Kitty-Kitty than with a guy whom you call Peachy Pie.And after all,she found the perfect Cosmopolitan-the drink,that is.Mindy regrets than Maximilian was not one of I-will-hit-on-your-sister-too guys.As for Maximilian,he ceased to be the Perfect Cosmopolitan after a few days.The fed didn't cut rates,after all.

Triggered by THE IRRATIONAL

2008-02-11T13:21:00.000+05:30

Agnostics...the skeptics...the ones with all the doubts, with all the questions but no answers...the ones who are afraid to believe, in any hint of goodness in others, in the obvious lack of humanness in many others..agnotics...the ones like me.

Why do people move? They say people move in hope of a better life. For him, it was more of a "moved away" than “moved to”. He moved away from the memories or a lack of them. He moved away to get lost.

It started with the chaturvedi asking me what possibly could be the motivation of worker bees ...

Hope is a good thing...The last line of Shawshank Redemption and an eternal truth from which i have no escape...what the stupid bees dont realize is that having the word "hope" in their dictionary does not make them optimists of any kind...the cynicism and the mind-numbing doubts still do exist,in larger quantities, to say the least...The stupid bees use hope as a means of survival..How easy is it to hope good things will happen!It is as easy to hope that bad things will go away.

Because hope and denial are the same things,I should have replied.

Mom,I love you and this is not about you

2008-01-09T19:07:00.000+05:30

I was just about to finish my homework, when my aunt walks in a splendid pink saree.I always loved her sarees and pestered mom to wear sarees that were as pretty as hers.She was always decked up, this aunt of mine.
I run to her to steal a whiff of her perfume that I like so much. I am too heavy for her to lift me up, but she still does...the sweetheart. Mom enters the room and they start talking about things, mostly grownup stuff they think I don't understand...but you see, I do…I always did. Aunty tells mummy that she would be going away to Guntur for about a week. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she ruffles my hair and asks me whether I would like to come along. Me, being the eternal coward, has never slept a single day, without mummy by my side. The thought of seven such days would have been reason enough for me to start wailing but somehow this time it’s different. This trip seemed to be exciting. I, instantly say yes and mom is shocked, to say the least. After my aunt left, my mom asks me whether i really wanted to go and threatens me that if i go, there will be no coming back for a week. I pack and pack for two days .I didnt understand why mom was upset. After all, I was being all grown-up, not wanting to spend all my time in the shadow of her saree. She should be proud of me, I thought. My aunt picked me up from the house and insisted there was no need for my mom to see us off at the station. We reach Guntur and i realize i am not scared of missing mom. Weird, I told myself. Aunt was the sweetheart that she always was. I was treated like a princess and every whim and wish of mine was met with. Chocolates,dryfruits,ice creams ...things my mom always denied me saying that i would get fatter. Time flew and when on the sixth day, my aunt reminded me that we would be leaving tomorrow; I realized that I didn’t want to go back. I plotted ways to extend this trip. I pretended to fall ill and we stayed back for two more days.

We reached Hyderabad and I started crying for my aunt everyday. Then I start plotting ways to get myself adopted by my aunt .My mom (after all, she was MY mom) could see what I was up to. She slapped me first and cried a lot later. I didn't get to see my aunt for a long time after that.

Now, whenever I see her, the fuckhead that I am, I cant help but wonder if it was only about the fancy saris and dry fruits?

I don’t want to write long stories just to piss off Avicster

2007-12-28T16:28:00.000+05:30

My official reason is that I have never been dumped before and this relationship, when it ends, would be a value addition to my screwed-upness.

My friends say that the most evident reason is that he makes me happy.

"Who would want to let go of you?” he says holding me tight.

"He is such a convincing liar,” I tell myself ,loving him all the more.

WHEN HE'S GONE...

2007-12-11T20:12:00.000+05:30

She had met him a few months ago and hardly knew him. Why was his absence creating such a huge vacuum in her life? It wasn't as if his presence calmed her, he always made her restless.

And how she would remember all those inane things about him.
-The way he would look and not look at her at the same time
-Outline of his body in the darkness as they sat listening to music

If one would ask if she loved him, she would have to say no. If she asked herself the same question, she would smile wryly in response.

"The flight is on time,” he said, waking her up from the reverie. "OK.You get ready now,” she said, trying hard to hide the quiver in her voice.
She knew she could do nothing to stop him. Maybe, she actually didn't want to stop him. But, she can't watch him go.

He comes into the room, looking for her. She is nowhere to be seen but he finds a note.

"Parting is easier for the person who leaves"

Ever After

2007-07-02T19:53:00.000+05:30

God created man because…
Well, because he could but that’s not the story.
Our story is about how a woman came to…
For now, lets say came to be.

Ok, so here is our first man, all set to be launched into the world No. 235.God was really excited. He had never created a MAN before. He really was pleased with himself for MAN had so many newer and better features and the older version -APE was a big success in world no.175.He wanted to celebrate with a drink. Yeah, Gods drink too, not a big surprise, is it? He walked towards his cabinet and at that time he had scotch and ambrosia with him. Suddenly, he didn’t know what he wanted. That was just for about 3.1428571… nanoseconds. He picked up the scotch. Ambrosia might be the nectar of Gods but then scotch was just …. SCOTCH, it needs no epithets to glorify it. What he didn’t realize till midnight next day ( Well, he was drinking scotch and scotch makes you realize things later, things you are better off not realizing) that he had accidentally pushed the launch button on MAN in those 3.1428571.. nanosecs of indecision. “There is no use crying over launched man”, thought God and let it be. He later realized that there was a problem. (Well, problems do arise sometimes just because you let things be.) What happened was that because prototype MAN was launched in a moment of hesitation, some of the indecision had rubbed off on it. (Remember, there was no her, so there was no him and everything was it.) God did the best He could do. He let things be.

MAN was an instant hit. It was a constant source of amusement for God and also a good reason for shameless self congratulation. But this indecision error on this prototype was bigger than what His divine vision could foresee. MAN could take all small decisions by itself. Like, it could breathe without hesitation and eat whenever it felt hungry. But as soon as it faced a bit more complex questions like what it should wear and what is the right time to get back to its cave, it was totally clueless. And whenever it faced conundrums like these, it had nowhere to go but to God. Initially God acted all patient and helpful.
(Well, he wasn’t really patient and helpful, dah! So he acted.) But when MAN showed up at God’s doorstep to inquire whether he should be drinking the sparkling liquid flowing from the mountain tops or the sweet, intoxicating
sap from a pine tree, God knew that he needed to find a more permanent solution to this chaos.

God asked it to come in. “Sit down. And you should be having Scotch. Now, lets put an end to this problem once for all. I am very busy and cant (Actually, don’t want to, He thought to Himself) attend to you all the time. What you need is a companion. This is the last time you are ever going to see me. So, listen carefully to what I have got to say. In the course of time, you will meet three of my creations and you will have to choose a companion among those. The entire future of world No.235 depends on this decision of yours. So basically, have fun.” And poof, MAN found itself back in its cave before it could point out the obvious flaw in His divine declaration. “Wasn’t my indecision the problem at hand and now He wants me to ‘choose’ a companion among three potential candidates.”

“You must have heard about irony,” said a sweet childlike voice. MAN turned back and saw a very beautiful being. “It must be one of the three,” MAN thought. “Yes, I get it. The situation…It’s definitely irony. “No, my name is Irony, you duffer,” said the ethereal being. “And I am a fairy. I come from world No.765.” ‘Oh, Hello Irony, I am MAN.’ “If you decide to take me as your companion, I will take good care of you and love you with all my heart. Will you be my companion, MAN?” ‘I don’t know.’ “What are the qualities are you looking for in a companion?” asked the fairy. MAN was still contemplating an answer when it was bombarded by questions again. “Are you ready to make place for someone else in your life? Do you think I have beautiful eyes? Do you believe in love?”

“Oh, this is trite,” said a cool, sexy voice. “Hello Trite,” said MAN, suddenly finding it difficult to take his eyes off the perfect, perfect creature in front of him. “My name is not trite. Trite was what the fairy was saying. My name is Ariel. I am a mermaid. World no.457 is where I come from.” ‘Sorry. You are very pretty Ariel.’ “Yeah, let’s keep this short. You and I can be companions but I need my space. I don’t think I can take care of you but I promise you will have a good time. Now you decide who it is going to be…me or that cliché of a fairy.”

“Hey you get here,” said a commanding voice from the end of a room. “Why are all your clothes made from bearskin? Deerskin is so much more comfortable and it will look good on you. And this cave definitely needs to be redecorated. And this is no time for you to get back home. And you can’t grow your hair that long…” And on and on went the instructions. “I am one of God’s new creations and He says I am the best. I am just like you but far superior. I am WOMAN.”

After sometime, the fairy and the mermaid were shown the door politely but peremptorily. And MAN was forbidden to meet them ever again. What MAN didn’t realize at that time (Well, God had made he drink some scotch, remember) that he didn’t get to make a choice that day (It was like the WOMAN chose for him to choose her) nor would he get to ever again. And they lived…lets just say ‘ever after’ and not comment about anything else.

Again it was the WOMAN who chose for the MAN to eat the apple, which lead to him ultimate downfall but that’s another story.

The Americans are coming

2007-06-22T21:20:00.000+05:30

Dachau,Southern Germany,28th April,1945.

There is a rumour that Obersturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Weiter, the Chief Commander of the KZ concentration camp had already fled. Understurmfuhrer Eduard Wicker is second-in-command and today was not the best day of his life. His personal dilemma was an addition to the general confusion which was running riots. His instincts told him to run.But where? The allied forces were everywhere. They were entirely surrounded. And again abandonment of one's duty was high treason and he was no traitor.

Eduard Wicker was born into a rich family in Munich in the year 1902.He was still a child when Germany was defeated by the allied armies in the First World War. He lost his father to the Great War and his family lost its wealth to the economic depression which followed as an aftermath to Germany's defeat. He could not understand why they had to have soup and bread , both for lunch and supper. He was had to forgo his education and went to work in a factory. One day he saw the grocer feeling up his mother before he handed over the extra loaf of bread. The grocer was dead after a few days and that was the first murder he had committed.

National socialism was popular among all the youngsters and he was no exception. So it came as no surprise to his family that he enrolled in the SS. Ruthlessness and lack of compassion helped raise him to the rank of Untersturmfuhrer. He had been stationed at the Dachau concentration camp for about an year now.

Lack of sleep led to deep thought. In the beginning of the war, he was in a state of conflict. He could kill, he knew that. But why? His father always use to say that the only war that mattered was the war within oneself. He knew his course of action, he just needed a motive. Then he thought ," Who wouldn't want to conquer the world?It seems like such a heroic idea" and muffled the voices in his head. Now he thought that there is nothing heroic about the savagery it had demanded of him. Victory and conscience do not go hand in hand anyway.But all the sacrifices made in the name of victory will go unrewarded.

"We played the game of war with our souls at stake and lost.And losers have no right to the future . All they have is the past and the past was such a waste," he thought.

He then lay on his bed waiting, for the Americans are coming.

There is a rumour that Obersturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Weiter , the Chief Commander of the KG had already fled. Anna Weisenberg would become twenty years old the next day and today was supposed to be the best day in her life for word is that the allied armies had arrived and their victory is inevitable."Was it?" she asked herself ."Well, it does really matter now, " she told herself back. She washing the clothes by the tap, trying hard to get rid of the lice. She couldn't help but notice the absence of the guard who was always stationed beside the tap, distributing water as miserly as it was his own blood."Maybe the rumours are true," she thought.

Anna was born a Jew and there was nothing she could do about it. Anna's father always told her she could be whatever she wanted. But then she couldn't 'not' be a Jew,could she? Her mother died during childbirth and her father raised her. He was a religious man and every ritual of the Shabbat was observed rigorously in her house. This was all till they came and the horror began.

Her aunt's family was evacuated from their house and came to live with them.The lady next door went to buy groceries and never came back." What is wrong with being a Jew, Papa?" Anna asked her father. Her father assured her that nothing was wrong and everything will be alright. But nothing was alright. Her father was one among the many who were killed in a synagogue during the prayer time . That was the day she started blaming God for everything.

She washed the clothes and returned to the cell which she shared with five other people.Mrs.Stern was trying to put young Isaac to sleep."We might be free after all," she said without a trace of emotion in her voice. "Freedom...freedom is no redemption at this point in her life," she thought."Survival was foremost until now and the extremity of the situation left no scope for any other thought. When freedom is curtailed, so are feelings. When the burden of trying not to get killed in the next few hours lifts off one's chest, one regains the ability to feel things...feel the loss of family, the loss of a body part, the loss of identity.With these realizations sets in a mind numbing pain."

"Fear can induce the will to survive but pain underscores the futility of that very survival.She was a survivor and survivors needed to forget the past. All she has, is a future and the future is so hopeless,"she thought.

Then she lay on the floor waiting, for the Americans are coming.

Love In a Dream

2007-06-15T16:55:00.000+05:30

Her eyes...He had never seen anything like them. They are now the sole reason he is living on though he would not hesitate a second before drowning in them. Oh! How she looks at him. Today she will be his. She has to be.

He opens his eyes and the pain sets in. A dull ache in his heart which he has been carrying for about an year now. Yes, it has been an year since she met him. She is a girl in his dreams and she is the girl of his dreams too. His days are now a long period of waiting for the night, for her to enter his dreams...

His friends laughed it off in the beginning for it was normal in that age for a young man to pine for a girl whom he met only in his dreams but slowly they were irritated by his lack of interest in anything else, astonished at the passion of his futile love and quite concerned when he told them he was leaving on a quest in search of this dream girl...

Seeking the unattainable has a few delights of its own. He travelled through many mystical lands, having many adventures. He felt that his life had a purpose now. He could spend an entire lifetime seeking out this girl. Each day the fire of passion consumed him. The more it consumed him the more he fuelled it by offering his mind and soul.The end justified the means and the means justified the end...

Then out of a sudden he meets her.She was waiting by a lake,she with her big blue eyes."I have been waiting for you for a long time," she said."Now take me home and make me yours."

They had a big wedding. His friends were happy but he was not. He stopped having the dreams the day he met her. There was no longer a purpose to his life. She was more real to him in the dreams. And he missed the dull ache in his heart. He knew what to do. Next day his friends found her dead and he was gone.

Her lips...He has never seen anything like them.They are now the sole reason he is living on though he knew that he would die from the sheer pleasure if they touched him. Oh! How she whispers to him. Today she will be his.She has to be.

He opens his eyes...