My official reason is that I have never been dumped before and this relationship, when it ends, would be a value addition to my screwed-upness.
My friends say that the most evident reason is that he makes me happy.
"Who would want to let go of you?” he says holding me tight.
"He is such a convincing liar,” I tell myself ,loving him all the more.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
WHEN HE'S GONE...
She had met him a few months ago and hardly knew him. Why was his absence creating such a huge vacuum in her life? It wasn't as if his presence calmed her, he always made her restless.
And how she would remember all those inane things about him.
-The way he would look and not look at her at the same time
-Outline of his body in the darkness as they sat listening to music
If one would ask if she loved him, she would have to say no. If she asked herself the same question, she would smile wryly in response.
"The flight is on time,” he said, waking her up from the reverie. "OK.You get ready now,” she said, trying hard to hide the quiver in her voice.
She knew she could do nothing to stop him. Maybe, she actually didn't want to stop him. But, she can't watch him go.
He comes into the room, looking for her. She is nowhere to be seen but he finds a note.
"Parting is easier for the person who leaves"
And how she would remember all those inane things about him.
-The way he would look and not look at her at the same time
-Outline of his body in the darkness as they sat listening to music
If one would ask if she loved him, she would have to say no. If she asked herself the same question, she would smile wryly in response.
"The flight is on time,” he said, waking her up from the reverie. "OK.You get ready now,” she said, trying hard to hide the quiver in her voice.
She knew she could do nothing to stop him. Maybe, she actually didn't want to stop him. But, she can't watch him go.
He comes into the room, looking for her. She is nowhere to be seen but he finds a note.
"Parting is easier for the person who leaves"
Monday, July 2, 2007
Ever After
God created man because…
Well, because he could but that’s not the story.
Our story is about how a woman came to…
For now, lets say came to be.
Ok, so here is our first man, all set to be launched into the world No. 235.God was really excited. He had never created a MAN before. He really was pleased with himself for MAN had so many newer and better features and the older version -APE was a big success in world no.175.He wanted to celebrate with a drink. Yeah, Gods drink too, not a big surprise, is it? He walked towards his cabinet and at that time he had scotch and ambrosia with him. Suddenly, he didn’t know what he wanted. That was just for about 3.1428571… nanoseconds. He picked up the scotch. Ambrosia might be the nectar of Gods but then scotch was just …. SCOTCH, it needs no epithets to glorify it. What he didn’t realize till midnight next day ( Well, he was drinking scotch and scotch makes you realize things later, things you are better off not realizing) that he had accidentally pushed the launch button on MAN in those 3.1428571.. nanosecs of indecision. “There is no use crying over launched man”, thought God and let it be. He later realized that there was a problem. (Well, problems do arise sometimes just because you let things be.) What happened was that because prototype MAN was launched in a moment of hesitation, some of the indecision had rubbed off on it. (Remember, there was no her, so there was no him and everything was it.) God did the best He could do. He let things be.
MAN was an instant hit. It was a constant source of amusement for God and also a good reason for shameless self congratulation. But this indecision error on this prototype was bigger than what His divine vision could foresee. MAN could take all small decisions by itself. Like, it could breathe without hesitation and eat whenever it felt hungry. But as soon as it faced a bit more complex questions like what it should wear and what is the right time to get back to its cave, it was totally clueless. And whenever it faced conundrums like these, it had nowhere to go but to God. Initially God acted all patient and helpful.
(Well, he wasn’t really patient and helpful, dah! So he acted.) But when MAN showed up at God’s doorstep to inquire whether he should be drinking the sparkling liquid flowing from the mountain tops or the sweet, intoxicating
sap from a pine tree, God knew that he needed to find a more permanent solution to this chaos.
God asked it to come in. “Sit down. And you should be having Scotch. Now, lets put an end to this problem once for all. I am very busy and cant (Actually, don’t want to, He thought to Himself) attend to you all the time. What you need is a companion. This is the last time you are ever going to see me. So, listen carefully to what I have got to say. In the course of time, you will meet three of my creations and you will have to choose a companion among those. The entire future of world No.235 depends on this decision of yours. So basically, have fun.” And poof, MAN found itself back in its cave before it could point out the obvious flaw in His divine declaration. “Wasn’t my indecision the problem at hand and now He wants me to ‘choose’ a companion among three potential candidates.”
“You must have heard about irony,” said a sweet childlike voice. MAN turned back and saw a very beautiful being. “It must be one of the three,” MAN thought. “Yes, I get it. The situation…It’s definitely irony. “No, my name is Irony, you duffer,” said the ethereal being. “And I am a fairy. I come from world No.765.” ‘Oh, Hello Irony, I am MAN.’ “If you decide to take me as your companion, I will take good care of you and love you with all my heart. Will you be my companion, MAN?” ‘I don’t know.’ “What are the qualities are you looking for in a companion?” asked the fairy. MAN was still contemplating an answer when it was bombarded by questions again. “Are you ready to make place for someone else in your life? Do you think I have beautiful eyes? Do you believe in love?”
“Oh, this is trite,” said a cool, sexy voice. “Hello Trite,” said MAN, suddenly finding it difficult to take his eyes off the perfect, perfect creature in front of him. “My name is not trite. Trite was what the fairy was saying. My name is Ariel. I am a mermaid. World no.457 is where I come from.” ‘Sorry. You are very pretty Ariel.’ “Yeah, let’s keep this short. You and I can be companions but I need my space. I don’t think I can take care of you but I promise you will have a good time. Now you decide who it is going to be…me or that cliché of a fairy.”
“Hey you get here,” said a commanding voice from the end of a room. “Why are all your clothes made from bearskin? Deerskin is so much more comfortable and it will look good on you. And this cave definitely needs to be redecorated. And this is no time for you to get back home. And you can’t grow your hair that long…” And on and on went the instructions. “I am one of God’s new creations and He says I am the best. I am just like you but far superior. I am WOMAN.”
After sometime, the fairy and the mermaid were shown the door politely but peremptorily. And MAN was forbidden to meet them ever again. What MAN didn’t realize at that time (Well, God had made he drink some scotch, remember) that he didn’t get to make a choice that day (It was like the WOMAN chose for him to choose her) nor would he get to ever again. And they lived…lets just say ‘ever after’ and not comment about anything else.
Again it was the WOMAN who chose for the MAN to eat the apple, which lead to him ultimate downfall but that’s another story.
Well, because he could but that’s not the story.
Our story is about how a woman came to…
For now, lets say came to be.
Ok, so here is our first man, all set to be launched into the world No. 235.God was really excited. He had never created a MAN before. He really was pleased with himself for MAN had so many newer and better features and the older version -APE was a big success in world no.175.He wanted to celebrate with a drink. Yeah, Gods drink too, not a big surprise, is it? He walked towards his cabinet and at that time he had scotch and ambrosia with him. Suddenly, he didn’t know what he wanted. That was just for about 3.1428571… nanoseconds. He picked up the scotch. Ambrosia might be the nectar of Gods but then scotch was just …. SCOTCH, it needs no epithets to glorify it. What he didn’t realize till midnight next day ( Well, he was drinking scotch and scotch makes you realize things later, things you are better off not realizing) that he had accidentally pushed the launch button on MAN in those 3.1428571.. nanosecs of indecision. “There is no use crying over launched man”, thought God and let it be. He later realized that there was a problem. (Well, problems do arise sometimes just because you let things be.) What happened was that because prototype MAN was launched in a moment of hesitation, some of the indecision had rubbed off on it. (Remember, there was no her, so there was no him and everything was it.) God did the best He could do. He let things be.
MAN was an instant hit. It was a constant source of amusement for God and also a good reason for shameless self congratulation. But this indecision error on this prototype was bigger than what His divine vision could foresee. MAN could take all small decisions by itself. Like, it could breathe without hesitation and eat whenever it felt hungry. But as soon as it faced a bit more complex questions like what it should wear and what is the right time to get back to its cave, it was totally clueless. And whenever it faced conundrums like these, it had nowhere to go but to God. Initially God acted all patient and helpful.
(Well, he wasn’t really patient and helpful, dah! So he acted.) But when MAN showed up at God’s doorstep to inquire whether he should be drinking the sparkling liquid flowing from the mountain tops or the sweet, intoxicating
sap from a pine tree, God knew that he needed to find a more permanent solution to this chaos.
God asked it to come in. “Sit down. And you should be having Scotch. Now, lets put an end to this problem once for all. I am very busy and cant (Actually, don’t want to, He thought to Himself) attend to you all the time. What you need is a companion. This is the last time you are ever going to see me. So, listen carefully to what I have got to say. In the course of time, you will meet three of my creations and you will have to choose a companion among those. The entire future of world No.235 depends on this decision of yours. So basically, have fun.” And poof, MAN found itself back in its cave before it could point out the obvious flaw in His divine declaration. “Wasn’t my indecision the problem at hand and now He wants me to ‘choose’ a companion among three potential candidates.”
“You must have heard about irony,” said a sweet childlike voice. MAN turned back and saw a very beautiful being. “It must be one of the three,” MAN thought. “Yes, I get it. The situation…It’s definitely irony. “No, my name is Irony, you duffer,” said the ethereal being. “And I am a fairy. I come from world No.765.” ‘Oh, Hello Irony, I am MAN.’ “If you decide to take me as your companion, I will take good care of you and love you with all my heart. Will you be my companion, MAN?” ‘I don’t know.’ “What are the qualities are you looking for in a companion?” asked the fairy. MAN was still contemplating an answer when it was bombarded by questions again. “Are you ready to make place for someone else in your life? Do you think I have beautiful eyes? Do you believe in love?”
“Oh, this is trite,” said a cool, sexy voice. “Hello Trite,” said MAN, suddenly finding it difficult to take his eyes off the perfect, perfect creature in front of him. “My name is not trite. Trite was what the fairy was saying. My name is Ariel. I am a mermaid. World no.457 is where I come from.” ‘Sorry. You are very pretty Ariel.’ “Yeah, let’s keep this short. You and I can be companions but I need my space. I don’t think I can take care of you but I promise you will have a good time. Now you decide who it is going to be…me or that cliché of a fairy.”
“Hey you get here,” said a commanding voice from the end of a room. “Why are all your clothes made from bearskin? Deerskin is so much more comfortable and it will look good on you. And this cave definitely needs to be redecorated. And this is no time for you to get back home. And you can’t grow your hair that long…” And on and on went the instructions. “I am one of God’s new creations and He says I am the best. I am just like you but far superior. I am WOMAN.”
After sometime, the fairy and the mermaid were shown the door politely but peremptorily. And MAN was forbidden to meet them ever again. What MAN didn’t realize at that time (Well, God had made he drink some scotch, remember) that he didn’t get to make a choice that day (It was like the WOMAN chose for him to choose her) nor would he get to ever again. And they lived…lets just say ‘ever after’ and not comment about anything else.
Again it was the WOMAN who chose for the MAN to eat the apple, which lead to him ultimate downfall but that’s another story.
Friday, June 22, 2007
The Americans are coming
Dachau,Southern Germany,28th April,1945.
There is a rumour that Obersturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Weiter, the Chief Commander of the KZ concentration camp had already fled. Understurmfuhrer Eduard Wicker is second-in-command and today was not the best day of his life. His personal dilemma was an addition to the general confusion which was running riots. His instincts told him to run.But where? The allied forces were everywhere. They were entirely surrounded. And again abandonment of one's duty was high treason and he was no traitor.
Eduard Wicker was born into a rich family in Munich in the year 1902.He was still a child when Germany was defeated by the allied armies in the First World War. He lost his father to the Great War and his family lost its wealth to the economic depression which followed as an aftermath to Germany's defeat. He could not understand why they had to have soup and bread , both for lunch and supper. He was had to forgo his education and went to work in a factory. One day he saw the grocer feeling up his mother before he handed over the extra loaf of bread. The grocer was dead after a few days and that was the first murder he had committed.
National socialism was popular among all the youngsters and he was no exception. So it came as no surprise to his family that he enrolled in the SS. Ruthlessness and lack of compassion helped raise him to the rank of Untersturmfuhrer. He had been stationed at the Dachau concentration camp for about an year now.
Lack of sleep led to deep thought. In the beginning of the war, he was in a state of conflict. He could kill, he knew that. But why? His father always use to say that the only war that mattered was the war within oneself. He knew his course of action, he just needed a motive. Then he thought ," Who wouldn't want to conquer the world?It seems like such a heroic idea" and muffled the voices in his head. Now he thought that there is nothing heroic about the savagery it had demanded of him. Victory and conscience do not go hand in hand anyway.But all the sacrifices made in the name of victory will go unrewarded.
"We played the game of war with our souls at stake and lost.And losers have no right to the future . All they have is the past and the past was such a waste," he thought.
He then lay on his bed waiting, for the Americans are coming.
There is a rumour that Obersturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Weiter , the Chief Commander of the KG had already fled. Anna Weisenberg would become twenty years old the next day and today was supposed to be the best day in her life for word is that the allied armies had arrived and their victory is inevitable."Was it?" she asked herself ."Well, it does really matter now, " she told herself back. She washing the clothes by the tap, trying hard to get rid of the lice. She couldn't help but notice the absence of the guard who was always stationed beside the tap, distributing water as miserly as it was his own blood."Maybe the rumours are true," she thought.
Anna was born a Jew and there was nothing she could do about it. Anna's father always told her she could be whatever she wanted. But then she couldn't 'not' be a Jew,could she? Her mother died during childbirth and her father raised her. He was a religious man and every ritual of the Shabbat was observed rigorously in her house. This was all till they came and the horror began.
Her aunt's family was evacuated from their house and came to live with them.The lady next door went to buy groceries and never came back." What is wrong with being a Jew, Papa?" Anna asked her father. Her father assured her that nothing was wrong and everything will be alright. But nothing was alright. Her father was one among the many who were killed in a synagogue during the prayer time . That was the day she started blaming God for everything.
She washed the clothes and returned to the cell which she shared with five other people.Mrs.Stern was trying to put young Isaac to sleep."We might be free after all," she said without a trace of emotion in her voice. "Freedom...freedom is no redemption at this point in her life," she thought."Survival was foremost until now and the extremity of the situation left no scope for any other thought. When freedom is curtailed, so are feelings. When the burden of trying not to get killed in the next few hours lifts off one's chest, one regains the ability to feel things...feel the loss of family, the loss of a body part, the loss of identity.With these realizations sets in a mind numbing pain."
"Fear can induce the will to survive but pain underscores the futility of that very survival.She was a survivor and survivors needed to forget the past. All she has, is a future and the future is so hopeless,"she thought.
Then she lay on the floor waiting, for the Americans are coming.
There is a rumour that Obersturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Weiter, the Chief Commander of the KZ concentration camp had already fled. Understurmfuhrer Eduard Wicker is second-in-command and today was not the best day of his life. His personal dilemma was an addition to the general confusion which was running riots. His instincts told him to run.But where? The allied forces were everywhere. They were entirely surrounded. And again abandonment of one's duty was high treason and he was no traitor.
Eduard Wicker was born into a rich family in Munich in the year 1902.He was still a child when Germany was defeated by the allied armies in the First World War. He lost his father to the Great War and his family lost its wealth to the economic depression which followed as an aftermath to Germany's defeat. He could not understand why they had to have soup and bread , both for lunch and supper. He was had to forgo his education and went to work in a factory. One day he saw the grocer feeling up his mother before he handed over the extra loaf of bread. The grocer was dead after a few days and that was the first murder he had committed.
National socialism was popular among all the youngsters and he was no exception. So it came as no surprise to his family that he enrolled in the SS. Ruthlessness and lack of compassion helped raise him to the rank of Untersturmfuhrer. He had been stationed at the Dachau concentration camp for about an year now.
Lack of sleep led to deep thought. In the beginning of the war, he was in a state of conflict. He could kill, he knew that. But why? His father always use to say that the only war that mattered was the war within oneself. He knew his course of action, he just needed a motive. Then he thought ," Who wouldn't want to conquer the world?It seems like such a heroic idea" and muffled the voices in his head. Now he thought that there is nothing heroic about the savagery it had demanded of him. Victory and conscience do not go hand in hand anyway.But all the sacrifices made in the name of victory will go unrewarded.
"We played the game of war with our souls at stake and lost.And losers have no right to the future . All they have is the past and the past was such a waste," he thought.
He then lay on his bed waiting, for the Americans are coming.
There is a rumour that Obersturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Weiter , the Chief Commander of the KG had already fled. Anna Weisenberg would become twenty years old the next day and today was supposed to be the best day in her life for word is that the allied armies had arrived and their victory is inevitable."Was it?" she asked herself ."Well, it does really matter now, " she told herself back. She washing the clothes by the tap, trying hard to get rid of the lice. She couldn't help but notice the absence of the guard who was always stationed beside the tap, distributing water as miserly as it was his own blood."Maybe the rumours are true," she thought.
Anna was born a Jew and there was nothing she could do about it. Anna's father always told her she could be whatever she wanted. But then she couldn't 'not' be a Jew,could she? Her mother died during childbirth and her father raised her. He was a religious man and every ritual of the Shabbat was observed rigorously in her house. This was all till they came and the horror began.
Her aunt's family was evacuated from their house and came to live with them.The lady next door went to buy groceries and never came back." What is wrong with being a Jew, Papa?" Anna asked her father. Her father assured her that nothing was wrong and everything will be alright. But nothing was alright. Her father was one among the many who were killed in a synagogue during the prayer time . That was the day she started blaming God for everything.
She washed the clothes and returned to the cell which she shared with five other people.Mrs.Stern was trying to put young Isaac to sleep."We might be free after all," she said without a trace of emotion in her voice. "Freedom...freedom is no redemption at this point in her life," she thought."Survival was foremost until now and the extremity of the situation left no scope for any other thought. When freedom is curtailed, so are feelings. When the burden of trying not to get killed in the next few hours lifts off one's chest, one regains the ability to feel things...feel the loss of family, the loss of a body part, the loss of identity.With these realizations sets in a mind numbing pain."
"Fear can induce the will to survive but pain underscores the futility of that very survival.She was a survivor and survivors needed to forget the past. All she has, is a future and the future is so hopeless,"she thought.
Then she lay on the floor waiting, for the Americans are coming.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Love In a Dream
Her eyes...He had never seen anything like them. They are now the sole reason he is living on though he would not hesitate a second before drowning in them. Oh! How she looks at him. Today she will be his. She has to be.
He opens his eyes and the pain sets in. A dull ache in his heart which he has been carrying for about an year now. Yes, it has been an year since she met him. She is a girl in his dreams and she is the girl of his dreams too. His days are now a long period of waiting for the night, for her to enter his dreams...
His friends laughed it off in the beginning for it was normal in that age for a young man to pine for a girl whom he met only in his dreams but slowly they were irritated by his lack of interest in anything else, astonished at the passion of his futile love and quite concerned when he told them he was leaving on a quest in search of this dream girl...
Seeking the unattainable has a few delights of its own. He travelled through many mystical lands, having many adventures. He felt that his life had a purpose now. He could spend an entire lifetime seeking out this girl. Each day the fire of passion consumed him. The more it consumed him the more he fuelled it by offering his mind and soul.The end justified the means and the means justified the end...
Then out of a sudden he meets her.She was waiting by a lake,she with her big blue eyes."I have been waiting for you for a long time," she said."Now take me home and make me yours."
They had a big wedding. His friends were happy but he was not. He stopped having the dreams the day he met her. There was no longer a purpose to his life. She was more real to him in the dreams. And he missed the dull ache in his heart. He knew what to do. Next day his friends found her dead and he was gone.
Her lips...He has never seen anything like them.They are now the sole reason he is living on though he knew that he would die from the sheer pleasure if they touched him. Oh! How she whispers to him. Today she will be his.She has to be.
He opens his eyes...
He opens his eyes and the pain sets in. A dull ache in his heart which he has been carrying for about an year now. Yes, it has been an year since she met him. She is a girl in his dreams and she is the girl of his dreams too. His days are now a long period of waiting for the night, for her to enter his dreams...
His friends laughed it off in the beginning for it was normal in that age for a young man to pine for a girl whom he met only in his dreams but slowly they were irritated by his lack of interest in anything else, astonished at the passion of his futile love and quite concerned when he told them he was leaving on a quest in search of this dream girl...
Seeking the unattainable has a few delights of its own. He travelled through many mystical lands, having many adventures. He felt that his life had a purpose now. He could spend an entire lifetime seeking out this girl. Each day the fire of passion consumed him. The more it consumed him the more he fuelled it by offering his mind and soul.The end justified the means and the means justified the end...
Then out of a sudden he meets her.She was waiting by a lake,she with her big blue eyes."I have been waiting for you for a long time," she said."Now take me home and make me yours."
They had a big wedding. His friends were happy but he was not. He stopped having the dreams the day he met her. There was no longer a purpose to his life. She was more real to him in the dreams. And he missed the dull ache in his heart. He knew what to do. Next day his friends found her dead and he was gone.
Her lips...He has never seen anything like them.They are now the sole reason he is living on though he knew that he would die from the sheer pleasure if they touched him. Oh! How she whispers to him. Today she will be his.She has to be.
He opens his eyes...
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